It's All Crazy!

It's All Crazy! It's All False! It's All a Dream! It's Alright!

Life has been insane, full of emotional ups & downs. 

I've felt disenchanted & totally in love with the people in my life all in the same day.

I will admit that I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing, where I'm going or how I'm going to get there, but I truly believe that I'm on a path toward that which makes me feel love, which has been suggested to me.

I'm impressionable, young, naive, while sometimes being jaded, forlorn & depressed. 

There are so many things I wish were different about my life, my family, my job, my country, my community, my economy. However, I realize that I must start with me. Granted, that usually sets me off on a perfectionistic binge, filled with eating disorder thought patterns & a desire for ten hours of sleep, but I'm making progress.

I'm not perfect, I never will be. It makes me so very sad that I have such a fixation, but: It's All Crazy! It's All False! It's All A Dream! It's Alright!

Where do you go

It may be Lent, PMS or growing up, but the past two weeks have been rough.


I've experienced criticism from all directions, some meant to be jocular, some meant to sting. It sucks. I'm not used to people speaking out about my habits/actions/decisions, let alone even noticing them, but it's definitely become a theme.


I don't know how to respond. I feel like there's nothing I can say or do. 


I don't do things unless I want to. I don't make decisions unless I want the possible outcomes [& believe me, I'm sure I've already thought them out ad nauseum]. I'm not used to having people disappointed in me, because I was a really good kid growing up, who was much harder on myself than my parents [or anyone else] ever could be.


So what? I don't want to leave Pensacola yet.


So what? I'm thinking about Intentional Community & the possibility of it thriving here.


So what?


It doesn't mean that it will happen. I doesn't mean that it won't. 
It doesn't mean that I'm deciding not to travel.


I have my reasons & I'm not obligated to share them or to seek approval from any person.
At the end of the day, it comes down to me.


But I do want to share them. I do want to share information, reasoning, thoughts, feelings, because I believe in earned open communication & full disclosure.


Granted, I do want input. This is all because I don't want to be an island.


But I also want acceptance, regardless of if I'm thought of as an idiot. 


Sincerely,
A Twenty-Something