The American Dream

This week, I am putting the finishing touches on what will be my first road trip ever:


Nashville; Louisville; London, ON; Toronto; Niagara Falls; Buffalo, NY; Ohio & back down again, all in memory of my grandmother that passed away on New Years.


Extremely excited, as this will succor my ongoing desire to travel & have new experiences.


What's better is that I am travelling with one of my best friends, seeing family & friends, while getting to see new locations and do new things.


As I was discussing this earlier today, a coworker poked fun that the new American Dream is to travel, write a blog & get money from strangers.


That. Sounds. Amazing.


Imagine if our society valued things like adventure, wonder, & creativity more than it valued stock options, 401Ks & political stance?




I still have no idea where life is taking me, but I realize with each passing day that I am more & more the person I want to be.


That makes all the difference.

Heading North

Life continues to evolve, as do my desires, my plans & my feelings.

I met my new years resolution of being debt-free by my birthday a month earlier than the deadline. I was using that as a marker for 'I shouldn't make any plans until I'm debt-free.'

So now we're here.

At the beginning of the year, my grandmother passed away. When I was little, she sent me a 'treasure map' of her yard. In her memory, one of my best friends & I are going to follow-through.

But we figured, while we're in north Ohio, we might as well go to Canada...since we're going to Canada, we might as well come back down South through Buffalo, NY & go to Niagara Falls.

Amazing how life goes.

Heading up through Alabama, we'll stop in Nashville & stay with fellow Fortknight Amanda, then up to Louisville. On the way back home, we'll meet up with my family in north Alabama to celebrate my cousin's graduation for a mini-family reunion. <3

I am so very excited.

<3

No Answers

When I originally started this blog, I anticipated it to be filled with dreams of destinations, answers & plans.


Dreams, I've got, but no plans & certainly no answers.


I am soon turning twenty-four & as young as that sounds, I've never felt so old. I can see myself getting stuck in  outgrown recesses of my mind because the idea of what I still intend to do in the future is so very daunting.


I've never felt this way before. 


I am having to reconcile with the idea that having grey areas is okay...which is wholly terrifying, but I'm told, truly worth it.


Wish me luck on my continued adventure of life.


Less vague posts to come.

It's All Crazy!

It's All Crazy! It's All False! It's All a Dream! It's Alright!

Life has been insane, full of emotional ups & downs. 

I've felt disenchanted & totally in love with the people in my life all in the same day.

I will admit that I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing, where I'm going or how I'm going to get there, but I truly believe that I'm on a path toward that which makes me feel love, which has been suggested to me.

I'm impressionable, young, naive, while sometimes being jaded, forlorn & depressed. 

There are so many things I wish were different about my life, my family, my job, my country, my community, my economy. However, I realize that I must start with me. Granted, that usually sets me off on a perfectionistic binge, filled with eating disorder thought patterns & a desire for ten hours of sleep, but I'm making progress.

I'm not perfect, I never will be. It makes me so very sad that I have such a fixation, but: It's All Crazy! It's All False! It's All A Dream! It's Alright!

Where do you go

It may be Lent, PMS or growing up, but the past two weeks have been rough.


I've experienced criticism from all directions, some meant to be jocular, some meant to sting. It sucks. I'm not used to people speaking out about my habits/actions/decisions, let alone even noticing them, but it's definitely become a theme.


I don't know how to respond. I feel like there's nothing I can say or do. 


I don't do things unless I want to. I don't make decisions unless I want the possible outcomes [& believe me, I'm sure I've already thought them out ad nauseum]. I'm not used to having people disappointed in me, because I was a really good kid growing up, who was much harder on myself than my parents [or anyone else] ever could be.


So what? I don't want to leave Pensacola yet.


So what? I'm thinking about Intentional Community & the possibility of it thriving here.


So what?


It doesn't mean that it will happen. I doesn't mean that it won't. 
It doesn't mean that I'm deciding not to travel.


I have my reasons & I'm not obligated to share them or to seek approval from any person.
At the end of the day, it comes down to me.


But I do want to share them. I do want to share information, reasoning, thoughts, feelings, because I believe in earned open communication & full disclosure.


Granted, I do want input. This is all because I don't want to be an island.


But I also want acceptance, regardless of if I'm thought of as an idiot. 


Sincerely,
A Twenty-Something

How about Community?

I mentioned before about staying with Communities. In December, I visited Jesus People USA in Chicago one morning & it messed with me almost as much as Irresistible Revolution. But that's a tale for a different day.


Last week, I stayed at Communitas in New Orleans for five days during Mardi Gras. Living among them, seeing the love, respect & rhythm of life was just beautiful.. It was so beautiful & moving. It made me realize how much I long for a Community...& how much I truly don't want to leave Pensacola just yet. I don't claim to know what I want in the future or even what I want for lunch tomorrow. But right now, I'm exploring the possibility of having something like this here. We shall see. 


Now--pictures! 

<3

New Orleans

And I sit, reevaluating.
Currently at Communitas, learning about intentional community living, learning about myself, trying to detect my wants.
Contemplating.